From Danika Greysteel and the Bryn Shander Printing Co.
The Daily Dale
Current Affairs, Gossip, and Weather
TRADE TENSION ENDS IN BREMEN
Tensions have been high in Bremen over the past few weeks between the recently crowned King of the Lac, his grace Barnaby St. Clyde I, and Speaker Shalescar, due to the embargo on fishing imposed by the former on the Maer Dualdon town stead. After weeks of nautical espionage conducted by His Grace, a parlay between the rival leaders took place on the Bremen dockside where a heated altercation took place between the secretary of the Speaker, one Petunia REDACTED, verbally accosted the newly crowned king, calling His Grace a “big grey idiot” and “a handless gay”. Shocking onlookers, the usually reserved Speaker leaned out of his palanquin and struck the cheeky secretary a mighty swat about the ear. After a rocky start, the meeting of minds on the docks took a further four hours of intense back and forth, The King arguing for the denizens of the lac, and the speaker for the townsfolk throughout the dale dependent on Bremen’s fishing supply. The agreement decided upon was as follows: the people of Bremen are free to fish the Lac as required provided that the townsfolk provide regular entertainments on the shoreside for the king to enjoy. These frivolities must include, but are not limited to juggling, poetry readings, pig races/rodeo, and theatrical performances of local events where at least some of the participants are dressed as fish. As hand shook fin a cheer rose from the crowd and groups hurried off to prepare fishing gear and performance kit alike. When asked for comment His Grace the King of the Lac said “It’s great to see so many fans out here today, it was a great match, solid performance from everyone involved and has really set us up nicely for the season”. It is unclear what this means, thought this reporter is sure that the understanding of this, and many other of His Grace’s musings will be revealed in his upcoming biography, available at most reputable general stores. - Tali, Wildlife researcher and Royal biographer.
BUGBEAR MERCS RECRUIT MEMBER
The region’s newest mercenary group, The Three Bugbear-teers, has gained a new member, though this newbie is not of the gobloid persuasion, but is, in fact, a member of the post life community. Krintaas the Wight hails from “ages ago” and is the former bodyguard of the criminal wizard Dzaan the Red. He lost touch with his former employer when Dzaan “turned into a pile of black goo” while walking in the wilderness, an event about which Krintaas refused to comment further. As regular readers of the Dale Daily will know, The Red Wizard was put to death in the town of Easthaven for the crime of multiple murder, killing a group of adventurers whom he had hired to assist him, another topic which the hulking Krintaas was reticent to divulge upon. When asked for comment, the leader of the Bugbear-teers, Brekk, said “He can reach the top shelves and doesn’t eat so we keep him. If he tries to goo us too we’d clogger him good and piss his bones” after which he pulled off Krintaas’ left arm and threw it into the bushes, causing the wight to bashfully retrieve it. The Three Bugbear-teers (plus Krintaas) can usually be found in Bryn Shander and the connected towns, available to hire at competitive prices for guaranteed results with minimal mess. - Robert, #Bugbear
GOBLINS GOBLINS GOBLINS GOBLINS
Lock away your daughters, for the green menace is rising!!
No #Chicken coop, naïve merchant, or unattended baby is safe! Speakers throughout the Dale have been idle in their suppression of the vermin menace that has grown to disgusting proportions in recent months and the fruit of this indolence is being reaped on every quiet track and woodland copse. Not since the summer of 65DR has the #Goblin threat been so prominent in the region, with many suspecting that the squat freaks have gathered in some sort of society in the mountains under some ghastly leader. I shudder to think of the world our children will grow up into. A world where the sight of green skin is as common as the sight of Kurtis Mayhew’s escaped goats, you own too many Kurt, and they keep getting into my root cellar! BUILD A BETTER FENCE ALREADY. What’s the point in all these wandering adventurers if they don’t deal with the problems that affect normal people? It’s been ages since I’ve seen my sister in Dougan's Hole, but I’ll be damned if I’m willing to risk being some gobbo’s strumpet so I can go see her.
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Prombuly's Potions and Axe Beaks
I’m in Bryn Shander and this week you can get your #Axebeak s for the price of 75gp buy one get one free. Also, I do potions. Is that enough do you reckon? What is this for again? Stop writing.
Boffy's Joke Shop
The Tentowns sophisticant’s choice for pranks, hijinks, gags, and rubber boobies. You’ve tried all the other joke shops, now come to mine please.
Hook, Line, and Sinker in Caer Konig
We will give you two pies even if you pay for one pie. This should make you buy more pies apparently
Tenday Weather Forecast
1 – Dark and snowy. 2 – Dark and snowy. 3 – Dark and windy and snowy. 4 – Dark and mild. 5 – Dark and windy. 6 – Dark and extra cold. 7 – Dark and dank. 8 – Dark with chance of blizzard. 9 – Less dark than usual. 10 – Dark and haily.
RUMOURS AND HUMANOID INTEREST
Spent the last few weeks waking up at the wrong end of my bed but then all of sudden it stopped… what’s up with that eh?
Rich Del Freebie, 34, Targos
Did the Bremen Five tavern crawl last night and lost my favourite nose ring. If found please return to Veronté Scrip, 16 Street Lane, Good Mead
Veronté Scrip, 29, Good Mead
Macreadus Manspleen, a fellow worshipper of the Morninglord and a good pal has gone missing. Any sign or news of him should be reported to the Temple of the Morninglord in Bryn Shander. Cheers.
Is anyone actually doing anything about this whole eternal night situation eh? Someone should do something about it.
Vivian Crunchy, 62, Caer Konig
DTF, hung, #Half-Orc looking for low maintenance lover. Must be under 30, no kids, 5’3 – 5’5, have her own money, have her own house, be willing to let me move in, tribal dress a must, sexy, NO ELVES, willing to fit my schedule, long hair, good teeth, load bearing hips, and quiet.
I have lost my large supplies of black crystal deposits. Please return my large supplies of black crystal deposits to the abandoned inn in Caer Dineval.
Mr. John Smith, #Dwarf, Caer Dineval
BLACK IRON BLADES
For all your armament needs! Forged in Bryn Shander
"They're really not that bad!"
Anonymous (but trustworthy) Local